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11 Lessons I've Learned From Coaching

Dec 16, 2020

Season 1, Episode 40


"Taming Your Gremlin: A Guide To Enjoying Yourself " by Richard Carson is the book that my first coach gave to me. I found it the other day and it reminded me what an impact she has on me to this day, 20 years later. She helped me discern between the fear voice that was holding me back and the empowering voice that propelled me forward to reach my goals. She made me want to become a coach. Today on the Champions of RISK podcast I share my coaching journey and what to take into consideration if/when you are seeking a coach.



"Taming Your Gremlin: A Guide To Enjoying Yourself " by Richard Carson



Michael Kithcart: 

Hi, I'm Michael Kithcart. Welcome to the Champions of RISK podcast where we examine the many aspects of risks so that we can all navigate uncertainty with more courage and confidence together.

I want to talk to you about coaching today through my own personal coaching experience.

And the reason why is because I took myself down this memory lane, because I came across a book that one of the first coaches I ever invested in 20 years ago gave to me and it made me stop and sit down and make a list of all of the coaches that I've had over the last 20 plus years.

It made me think like, what are the themes that I'm carrying forward in my own coaching practice today that I would really attribute to these dozen, I'd say a dozen or so coaches that

I've had over the span of my career?

I invite you to kind of like, be thinking about this too, whether you consider them coaches or mentors, maybe there are people that you know, have just really made a profound difference in your life, and just kind of see what list you would conjure up as well.

So I'll share with you the book that that came to mind, I recently moved.

And so I'm unpacking all of these books, because I if I collect one thing, it's information, and it's in the form of books, and this book is over 20 years old, it's called Taming Your Gremlin.

A Guide to Enjoying Yourself by Richard D. Carson. And it kind of made me laugh, because I still have Gremlins to this day.

What makes me proud is that I noticed them and recognize them faster than I did when I first was exposed to this book. And I have so many more tools and resources at my disposal now to shut those Gremlins down to turn down the volume and even just, you know, dismiss them and send them away.

So I also want to like give credit to this coach who gave me the book, her name was Jenny, she came to me through a friend who highly recommended her.

I had never had a like a formal coaching experience before. I had a manager a few years prior that I really connected with and really give him a lot of credit for my sales success.

But Jenny was the first coach that I had ever invested in who had been referred to me who started giving me like tools and resources to expand my thinking and to really like challenge my way of like, deciphering what it is that I wanted to do with my life.

The gift that I got from her, I still carry with me today. And part of that reason is that I also recognize like how lucky I was to have her.

Jenny was just this huge spirit and just was full of energy. And I got to work with her for a very short time. Unfortunately, Jenny fell ill and she passed away not long after I, I started working with her.

And so I think I just not only was it the moment in my life, that I really needed a coach, I needed Jenny. And didn't even know it.

The fact that I got access to her, even if it was for such a short time just makes me really, really grateful. I recognize that she definitely had a hand in me becoming a coach down the road.

Like seven years after I worked with her I actually started becoming a coach.

So with that, I like I said, I really wanted to document what are the lessons that I've taken away from these dozen coaches that I've had and and I use in my practice, so I want to share these with you in no particular order.

But these are just things that came to me. And the first one is that lesson that I learned and still take with me is that solutions are often simple, but they're not always easy. Yeah.

So when we, when we discover like, Oh yeah, clearly that is what I'm supposed to be doing.

Or Yep, that is a way that would solve the problem at hand.

It often isn't that difficult but what is getting in our way is our own thinking or our resistance.

So the work is in discovering and identifying what's holding us back and then finding a way to push past it and move forward.

Brendon Burchard says Common sense is not always common practice. So we know what we should be doing oftentimes, but we don't do it.

So there's that gap between the knowing and doing that surfaces a lot in my coaching practice when I'm working with clients.

And I also say like when I have my own hang-ups and I'm noticing that I'm resisting doing something, I have to really like, break it down to its lowest common denominator.

And that usually sets me free and moving forward.

The second lesson that I identified is that continuous improvement really is a way of life look, if you want to make big things happen in your life, if you want to continue to evolve and grow.

What's required of you really, is that you're always learning right? And you're always finding ways to improve.

Now, this may be a common sense thing to a lot of you I thought it was for me to what has surprised me is that continuous improvement is not a necessity for everyone. If you are someone who is a seeker, a striver, a high achiever, you have some type of continuous improvement in you otherwise, you wouldn't be that way.

Like how can you cultivate it? How can you grow that desire and that need and make it a non negotiable, because to get to where we want to go to have continuous growth, we have to also be committed to the continuous improvement that is needed along the way.

The third lesson is, we often seek answers from the outside world when the real answers are within us. And that is like the major benefit of coaching, we have the answers within us, right. And so coaching is a way of pulling it out of us coaching can help us put voice a voice around what we already know.

And the right coach will challenge us to step into that voice and make sure that we are taking the steps that we need to in order to do what we we say that we want to do.

So if you're finding like yourself saying, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, or you're seeking a lot of outside counsel, or maybe you are, I know, I'm been guilty of this.

So I'm just gonna say it like you're taking a lot of courses, you're reading a lot of books, it's time for us all to stop to stop and start listening more to what's inside of us.

Because that is where we are going to find the real answers, the big answers, the answers that are right for us. The fourth lesson that I have carried forward is that outside perspective can be valuable, it can help us connect our own dots, because we can't always see what is obvious to others.

So have you ever had like a good friend or maybe somebody that you work with on a consistent basis?

And maybe you'll be like questioning or wondering like, Am I really this way? Or how how am I showing up? And the other person will just like rattle a couple of things off right off the bat, like it is just so clear and obvious.

And it kind of sets you back on your heels and go, Hmm, I guess I hadn't thought of it that way.

Or I didn't realize that I've been saying these these things consistently over a period of time.

A coach can also bring that that to light and help us connect dots like sometimes that information that you know, is inside of us, and we do start to pull up.

But we can't yet start seeing the pathway or the theme, wheew, outside perspective helps those dots get connected, and then we can accelerate moving forward.

I've seen it time and time again, it brings me such great joy with clients when they have that breakthrough. So connecting dots is another big lesson.

The fifth one is that possibility is expanded when it's shared and, and challenged when it's not created in a vacuum. So what I mean by that is, you know, it's great to dwell in possibility. It's great for us to set our goals and kind of like reach for new heights when we share those with someone else. And I would say when we share with somebody who has maybe experienced things that we haven't yet before or has tools and resources to help us expand those possibilities, that's where real growth occurs.

So even if it's not with a coach, you know, having a trusted person that you can talk to and share I just know, I've seen it in myself, I've witnessed it in with clients is that possibility expands. And there's real value in that, because that's what's going to help us reach new heights, new levels than we ever thought was possible.

The sixth lesson that I've learned is, you know, what we are our own worst enemies at times, and we need to champion ourselves.

Chances are, we're really, really hard on ourselves, chances are, if you are striving for something, you beat yourself up way worse than and are more critical of yourself than anybody else is going to be.

And we need to stop it, you know, we need ourselves on our own side.

Sometimes we are the only one at certain stages that believe in ourselves, you know, other people are going to challenge us, and that is great, but we need to champion ourselves before anyone else can or will.

And there's so much power in shifting that criticism into praise, into belief.

And sometimes we have to just say it, even before we believe it, but say it enough, champion yourself enough, it will turn into belief, and it will turn into results. Seventh lesson is replacing the shoulds, the ought-to's, the have-to's.

I choose to, I get to, I'm excited to. It can shift perspectives and outcomes in an instant, paying attention to the words that we are using is huge.

It's big, and just altering those words, like when you noticed, just try this The next time you hear yourself, say like, well, I just have to do that, or I should be doing this right now.

And instead, use the same statement.

But started with I am choosing to and just notice how you change the way it starts to change the way that you feel. In some cases, it can be really, really powerful.

And like I said, it can be immediate.

The eighth lesson that I've learned is that we spend a lot of our days making up stories. Yeah, that Gremlin loves a good fake story.

Something that I talk to my clients a lot about is just like, okay, let's review that statement.

And what out of that statement is actually factual? And what stuff are we just making up?

And it stops people in their tracks, because sometimes we think the story on our head is actually factual.

And once we start challenging the interpretation of that story, is when we can really start to see that, yeah, that's just made up. And we can replace that information with more empowering thoughts.

And that can make a huge difference and cause breakthroughs.

So just kind of think about that, like what stories are going on through your mind that are just fiction? The ninth lesson that I've learned is that listening more, also includes listening to ourselves.

So look, to be a great leader, you have to practice and develop a high level of active listening, people need and want to be heard. And that also includes ourselves.

So sometimes we may think that from like an exterior standpoint, like we want other people to listen to us.

But the real breakthrough, the little nugget of excellence, is also listening to ourselves and creating space and to be quiet and actually hearing what we are thinking what we believe, can make an enormous difference.

So I invite you to really listen to yourself, as well as spending more time to listening to others.

The 10th lesson that I learned and carry forward is that consistency is really key. consistency in the actions that we take.

It's consistency in the thoughts that we have it's consistency, in how we are showing up for others.

That is one of the benefits of coaching because coaching creates a cadence and cadence is consistency.

So I mean, this is like, I can think of consistency in lots of different aspects. It's one of the things That I noticed helps me be at my best.

And when clients identify what things they need consistently in their life, it, it helps them propel forward faster, too.

So think about the consistency that you have in your life and is it supporting you?

Or is it detracting from where it is that you really want to go because we want consistency, that actually is in support of where it is that we are going. But that is a key, key lesson that I've learned consistency.

The 11th lesson that I want to share with you, is about having better relationships.

And so the lesson that I learned through coaching, is that coaching actually has helped me form better relationships, it's helped me form a better relationship with myself, with others, with my family members, with my significant other with my colleagues, my partner's, like investing in relationships is really important.

And there's value in taking the time to foster key relationships in our lives. And that doesn't include the relationship that we have with ourselves.

So I'm really curious, what are some of the lessons that you've carried forward with he people that you've had in your life, whether it be a coach or a mentor?

And if you are thinking about a coaching relationship, maybe you've had some in the past, maybe you are thinking about engaging with a coach in the future, I wanted to share with you some coaching distinctions that that might be helpful and your consideration mode.

So it's really important that we all remember that coaching is actually an ongoing process. It's not a one and done, it's not a three step process, and then you're done.

And you're going, it's an ongoing process. It's an ongoing relationship when you have the right coach, and that there's different types of coaching that can be needed at different times in our life.

So sometimes we need like a coaching sprint, we have a very specific goal, need, a problem, phase in our life.

And so we really need that consistent relationship with a coach to elevate our level of awareness.

Other times, we need like an ongoing cadence to coaching that keeps us accountable. It provides that space for us to be able to mine what's already within us. So think about what type of coaching process you need right now.

Another thing, a distinction around coaching is that there are different phases in our lives where we may need different types of coaches.

So there's all different kinds of coaches, you know, that I mean, there's business coaches, those executive coaches, CEO coaches, onboarding coaches, life coaches, strength coaches, wellness coaches, there's all different kinds of coaches out there.

So kind of think about like, what do you actually need in your life for right now for this phase, and match the coach that you need for yourself for what you need right now.

The other distinction to make is, you need to find the right fit for your coach. Right? You know, do you feel supported?

Do you feel like you're aligned with this coaches, this coach have the experience that you need? Are they going to be providing the tools and the resources that are really going to help you excel, that fit piece? It's so it's so important.

So if you have a coach right now, or you've had a coaching experience, and it wasn't what you wanted, I encourage you to find the right fit, and interview a couple of coaches.

Right, you know, start seeing different styles define your criteria, take time to write out the questions that you want to make sure get answered before you interview coaches.

Those are all ways that you can be thinking about how coaching might benefit you. And those are some of the distinctions that I really would say set coaches apart from one another.

So look, there are there's individual coaching, there's group coaching, there are masterminds, there's all different ways that you can find and receive coaching that will fit be a fit for you. And as we are getting ready for the new year, explore, explore.

Maybe you had a coach a couple years ago, maybe it's time to, you know, engage with a new one.

And if you're curious about it, I will throw out to you. I have a monthly group coaching. It's called Champion Your Future group coaching. It's January 6. If you curious to find out what coaching might do for you, Come join us join us for $1 in January, just be part of coaching community, you know community of peers that are going to learn and group together.

And if it fit for yo great, if not, keep your search going. And if you want some ideas and resources, reach out to me, I will share for you I' not for everybody. As a coach, have a lot of great coaches in my community.

The most important thing for me is that if you are curious about embarking on coaching relationship, that yo find the right one for you. So will help you in any way. I you're interested in checking out Champion Your Future group coaching, you can check out the link in the show notes or go t

Regardless, I hope that even if yo 're not ready for a coach rig t now, right now, maybe there were one of the two of the less ns that I shared with you today hat you can take and move forward for your own personal self. t's a journey, right?

You know and more.

We're all on this journey together in some way, shape or form. And so knowledge is power.

And hopefully there if there's one thing that you took out of today's podcast, that was worth it, I wish you all a great holiday season. I look forward to engaging with you and hearing from you early in the new year. We're going to pause Champions of RISK podcast for the next couple of weeks.

We have 40 episodes that we recorded this year, and lots of great guests that have shared tips and their personal journeys.

So I invite you all to check out some of the past episodes. And I just want to thank you, I want to thank you for listening over the course of the year. If you liked what you heard, subscribe on your favorite platform, and I really appreciate a review. And I'd love to hear from you.

So if there are topics or guests that you are interested in listening to in 2021 leave me a message in the comment section or send me a note on LinkedIn or Instagram and I'll look forward to picking up all new episodes early in the New Year. Happy New Year.


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